A bit shorter of a writing this week, because I have been all over the map this week+.
My mind has been reflecting a lot on self-care lately. As I mentioned in my post last week, it’s a bit of a passion of mine, especially as I have witnessed colleagues succumb to the worst aspects of burnout during my tenure as a pastor. However, that is not fully what has my mind on it right now.
Right now, my mind is on it because the last week—more like the last 10 days—I have been terrible with self-care. As I sat in therapy yesterday (Jan. 28), I listed everything that had happened in my life (and my family’s) between January 17 and January 28—when my kids finally returned to school. We experienced school cancellations (both for a gas leak and snow), federal holidays, school days off for teacher workdays, flu, pneumonia, a funeral, one of our chickens being attacked, and a burst pipe that highlighted a water leak we had apparently had for some time—one that was actually causing mold and had damaged one of our walls. Deep breath.
It took me a whole 30 minutes just to run my therapist through all of this—excitement (more like stress and anxiety). Needless to say, as you can tell from that first paragraph, my self-care has been awful—and that’s putting it generously.
But the reason I was thinking about it wasn’t just because I had been neglecting it. It was also because I realized how easy it is to let self-care slip when life gets overwhelming. When the days feel relentless, when everything seems urgent, and when exhaustion sets in, self-care often feels like an afterthought—something we’ll get back to once things settle down. But the reality is, those are the times when we need it the most.
That hit me hard when I finally had a moment to breathe. I recognized that my mindset around self-care needed a reset. Instead of seeing it as a luxury, or as something I could afford to neglect, I needed to remember that self-care is foundational—it’s what allows me to show up fully for my family, my congregation, and myself.
So, what does resetting a self-care mindset look like?
It starts, most of all, with grace. Grace for myself for the ways I’ve let it slide. Grace in not expecting an overnight transformation. And grace in choosing small, intentional steps back toward balance. However, most of all, grace that it is okay to be overwhelmed and to cut yourself a little slack.
For me, that reset has looked like getting back to my basic self-care practices—remembering to drink water, getting walks or runs throughout the week to get my step count up, and even the general daily planning that helps me be mentally prepared for each day. It’s also meant recognizing that self-care is not just about what I do but how I think. Instead of seeing rest as unproductive, I’m reframing it as essential. Instead of pushing through exhaustion, I’m allowing myself to pause. Instead of telling myself I’ll get back to self-care later, I’m reminding myself that later starts now.
And I don’t think I’m alone in this. Maybe you’ve been through a tough stretch lately. Maybe your self-care has taken a hit, whether because of work, family, stress, or unexpected life chaos. If so, know that you’re not alone. Life happens, and sometimes, survival mode takes over. But at some point, we have to decide to reset. Not in a way that adds more pressure, but in a way that gently steers us back to ourselves.
It doesn’t have to be big or perfect—it just has to be intentional.
So, what’s one small step you can take today to reset your self-care mindset?